I Am Kryptonite

Thursday, 26 March 2009

I've been studying the trends very carefully and I think I've pinpointed a single, unifying cause behind the decline of the majority of indie rock groups.  I am that cause. 

Prior to 2000, I listened mostly to what I would call "college rock." You've got your Pearl Jam, Live, Bush, Range Against the Machine. Even your Counting Crows. It wasn't until after graduating college that I found the more-laid-back-yet-somehow-more-pretentious sound of indie rock. While I enjoyed this music more, along with it came the stunning truth that I can no longer ignore.  That truth is that I have the uncanny ability to, through the passive act of simply appreciating a band, initiate their eventual and assured descent into mediocrity. Here is my evidence, in order of increasing severity.

Snow Patrol. All of these opinions are obviously subjective, but Snow Patrol's decline would be the subjectivest if only subjectivest were a real word. I do enjoy their 2008 release A Hundred Million Suns, but in my opinion it is nowhere near as powerful as their first two albums, Final Straw and Eyes Open, which were released around the time I started listening to them.  Fortunately, it seems that the TV networks agree, as I have yet to hear them overuse anything off of this album the way they have in the past. I'm pretty sure that Grey's Anatomy scores their emotional scenes with nothing but Snow Patrol tracks, the same way they score their hopeful scenes with nothing but music from Gomez.

The Decemberists. This is one of the more disappointing downfalls. In the Summer of 2005, I first heard The Decemberists album Picaresque and instantly loved it. Colin Meloy has a voice and a songwriting style that is just co completely unique in music today. I played that album to death before I picked up their previous albums, Castaways and Cutouts and Her Majesty the Decemberists, and subsequently played those albums to death as well.  Little did I know that with every play, I was slowly sucking the talent directly out of Colin Meloy's once-brilliant mind. The Fall of 2006 brought with it the underwhelming The Crane Wife and the even more disappointing The Hazards of Love is being subjected upon the world at this very moment. To Decemberists fans everywhere: I am sorry I ruined one of the most promising bands of this decade.

Wilco. Much in the same way that U2 has come to be a major part of my college soundtrack, Wilco would make up a solid 3 out of the 12 tracks of the soundtrack of my early 20's.  After first paying attention to them shortly after starting my first real job, their Being There and Summerteeth albums were on a constant rotation in my office.  Like most of their fans, I was blown away by their 2002 release Yankee Hotel Foxtrot and gladly added it into the rotation. Also like most fans, I was left confused and disappointed by their 2004 release A Ghost is Born. So much so that I have still to this day not given their 2007 release Sky Blue Sky even a single listen. Some losses are just harder than others.

The Afghan Whigs. If you love indie rock and don't hate me already, this may be the nail in my coffin. In 2001, I was introduced to Greg Dulli and the Afghan Whigs. Also in 2001, the Afghan Whigs formally announced that their 1998 release 1965 would be their last. That's right: I broke up the Afghan Whigs. I know you're angry. Believe me, I'm as upset about the situation as you are. If I had it all to do over again, I would gladly go back to 2001 and delete that folder right out of my Napster account. The world needed the Afghan Whigs, and it would be a better place today if they had continued to put out quality music. Also, we would have never been subjected to Dulli's abysmal Gutter Twins project.

The evidence is pretty compelling, and I apologize for not owning up to the facts sooner. The music community at large has suffered due to my continued inaction. What else have we missed out on as a result of my denial? A follow-up to The Postal Service's 2003 Give Up? A U2 release that isn't trying to pander to the Top 40 stations? Anything from REM that's actually listenable?

I think I have found a way to make this all right. A way to clean the slate, so to speak. It's a sacrifice, but if it works out the payoff could far outweight the costs and set things right again. Starting next week, I will listening to The Jonas Brothers twice a week. By the end of the summer, we should be rid of them once and for all.

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