The Gift Horse

Wednesday, 04 November 2009

Gather 'round, children, and I'll tell you a story of wonder and imagination, of good tidings and gratitude. You've heard of Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. Now let me tell you the tale of the fourth member of their quadrumvirate: The Gift Horse.

Have you ever put on a favorite jacket or pair of jeans -- perhaps one that you haven't worn in a while -- to find a delighful surprise in one of the pockets? Perhaps a crumpled up five dollar bill, an unused bus pass, or a Werther's Original still pristine and sanitary in its original wrapping? We've all stumbled upon these unexpected treasures, typically without a second thought as to where they came from. You almost never remember specifically leaving it there, yet it's just assumed that is the case. No one ever suspects the truth, that they are the latest beneficiary of the all-benevolent Gift Horse.

Not many have witnessed the Gift Horse in action, but it is known that this mystic creature travels the world orchestrating happy surprises. He isn't as garish as Santa Claus. He doesn't require good behavior, cookies and milk, or -- perish the thought! -- a reindeer-drawn sleigh. He prefers to work in secret; An extra quarter in a parking meter here, replacing a lost earring there. The Gift Horse specializes in these "every day delights" that everybody loves, yet never questions.

Nobody knows exactly where the Gift Horse came from. He's very elusive, and those who have managed to catch him in the act haven't been the most forthcoming about their experiences. And for good reason. Those who have been so unfortunate to have observed the Gift Horse's generosity have also bore witness to his other overpowering trait.

His vengance.

Do not be too hasty in your attempt to track down the Gift Horse as he goes on his way, orchestrating his "coincidences." The Gift Horse has powerful hindquarters, and interlopers who disrupt his ventures are met with a powerful kick to the stomach or jaw. The Gift Horse is a generous horse, but he is not a tame horse.

So let this be a cautionary tale. Be aware of the Gift Horse, and be sure to thank him for his generosity. But if you should stumble upon the Gift Horse as he makes his rounds, do not acknowledge him. Do not look that Gift Horse in the mouth, lest you receive something other than his intended surprise.

I'd like to thank my lovely wife January for the inspiration for this short story, as well as Superpoop for reminding me of it via today's comic:

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