Doppelgänger

Friday, 24 April 2009

This is a long overdue account of an event that happened to January and I one evening almost two years ago. I've must have started this entry at least half a dozen times, coming at it from different angles until I could get the story just right, but I think it's become necessary to get the story on the record.  So here is the story of my double. My doppelgänger.

If you spent any time with me during the tail end of my bachelorhood, you know that my life could be summed up quite nicely as "mundane."  I had my two-bedroom apartment, my fuel-efficient Black Honda Civic, my weekly Xbox nights, and my cat Zoe.  I spent my days in my second bedroom office working on various freelance jobs and my evenings watching TV or playing Halo online, with the occasional trip to the local coffee shop to do some reading.  Life was routine, and I was content.  Then, in a whirlwind of excitement, I met January in 2005 and my life of mediocre routine changed forever.  Marriage is amazing, and I would never want to go back to the single life I had before.  And while having a partner and a best friend with me all the time is infinitely better than a life of Xbox and solitude, I think it's natural to wonder from time to time what life would have been like if fortune hadn't brought the two of us together the way it did.  One fateful evening in May of 2007, my curiosity was put to rest forever.

It was late on a Friday evening, and January and I were settling in to watch a movie.  We were both craving some ice cream, so we decided to drive over to the grocery store and pick some up before we got started.  As we walked in the entrance of the local Giant Eagle, January leaned in close and whispered, "That guy in front of us looks like you."  I took a quick glance at the stocky twenty-something and dismissed her claim as crazy.  We happened to be heading in the same direction as this stranger, and as we continued on January once again whispered, "He even walks like you do!"  As I turned to tell her that I don't walk anything like that, the stranger shuffled off to a different part of the store.

We spent some time contemplating our ice cream selection and started back toward the front of the stoor. As fate would have it, we met this shuffling stranger at the self-checkout kiosks.  We proceeded to check our items out -- he with his enormous bag of Meow Mix and I with my carton of ice cream -- as the computerized voice narrated our purchases in perfect synchronization.  *Beep*Welcome to Giant Eagle! If you have a Giant Eagle Fuel Perks card, please scan it now! *Beep*Please select payment method. *Beep*Please insert card. *Beep*Please follow instructions on the card reader. *Beep*Thank you for shopping Giant Eagle! Don't forget your coupons and receipt.

As we exited the store behind the stranger, January continued to look at me with wide eyes.  I leaned over and whispered "I do walk like that, don't I?! What kind of person goes to the grocery store at 11:00 on a Friday night to buy cat food, anyway?"  Before the words were even out of my mouth, we both knew the answer: I'm the kind of person who would buy cat food at 11:00 on a Friday night!  With this realization came another. The realization of exactly who this stranger was.  More than just a look-alike or a doppelgänger, this was some alternate-reality version of me -- an alternate reality where I never met and married January!  It all made complete sense: the shuffling walk, the disheveled look and loose jeans, nothing to do on a Friday night except buy cat food.  Our curiosity was piqued, so we followed him across the parking lot at a reasonable distance as he loaded his enormous bag of cat food into the back of his black Honda Civic and pulled out of the parking lot.
 
For most people this is where the story would end.  Not us, though. We proceeded to follow him.  This is where watching every episode of Alias finally paid off.  While maintaining a healthy two car buffer, we followed my doppelgänger as he drove south on High Street closer to OSU's campus area, all the while discussing how far we would take this.  What if he drove all the way to German Village? What if he lived in one of my old apartments?! What if he drove straight to our house?!?!!  Although our fears were perfectly understandable, they turned out to be unwarranted as "bachelor Andy" pulled down the back alleys just north of OSU's campus.   
 
We decided that following him down multiple alleys was too risky of a move.  We also acknowledged the possibility that he was actually some version of me from the future, and that our actions had already had an adverse effect on the space-time continuum, and maybe it was best if we just call it a day. That was the last I saw of my double.  I'm sure he's still out there, feeding Mr. Meowmers, playing Xbox, and probably still wearing a goatee instead of the full beard January convinced me was better.
 
I know this story sounds outrageous, but I swear it was 100% fact.  They say that everybody has a double somewhere in the world, and apparently mine lives within a mile of me. I have no doubt that I will run into "bachelor Andy" again someday.  I only hope for his sake that "single January" lives somewhere in Columbus and he is able to find her sooner rather than later.  A man can only play so much Xbox.
 
 
 

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