I typically love the fresh start feeling that the new year brings with it. I love making lists and goals and planning for the future. I have journal pages full of plans. Some things I actually accomplish, some things live continuously on my Big Picture List, some attempts are met with failure, and some things I have to let go.
If I were to measure life by my lists, 2012 brought more in the failure and letting go department than accomplishment.
Letting go is hard. Even if the thing you are letting go of isn't something you particularly love and isn't treating you well, it's still a struggle. The relinquishing of control and moving forward into the foggy unknown requires patience, hope and faith that everything will ultimately be ok. I am going to be honest, I'm scared and anxious and my head feels like its full of nothing but question marks. I am struggling to find the energy to put toward a new beginning.
Over the last few weeks I've been writing my new journal entries, making my new plans, writing my new lists. It's been slow going and there have been a lot of moments I just want to go back to what I know and where I'm comfortable. I don't want to be brave. I don't want to embrace change. I don't want to move on.
I ran across this quote somewhere on the internets and I scribbled it down on a piece of scrap paper that I find myself pulling out daily. It brings me a lot of comfort and inspires me to put one foot in front of the other on the days when I can't quite figure out where I'm going and I want to hide out on my couch and watch a never ending string of Gilmore Girls episodes.
Here's to a new year (a month and some change late) and starting where you are.
Team Soell is Ocean Isle, North Carolina for the week with Andy's family who has been visiting this beach for quite a few years now. Andy and I both have lovely memories of this part of the state. When we were first dating, we took a trip to Holden Beach (which is right next to Ocean Isle) with some friends and then two years ago while we were vacationing with Andy's family, we found out there was a little Lucy growing in my belly. It's so crazy to be here with her now, running around being crazy and chatterboxing to herself all the while. She really isn't a baby anymore. Nuts.
My sister-in-law, Lesley, found out she was pregnant with Will just a few weeks after us and the babies were born just four weeks apart. Wrangling the two of them is the closest I ever want to get to having twins. DO YOU HEAR THAT, UNIVERSE?!?! Andy on the other hand, is a natural. I think he was supposed to meet some lovely woman who wanted to do nothing but bear him adorable children. Instead, he met me. I am not that woman. Oh well :).
Miss Emma, the eldest cousin, is a big grown-up four-year-old now with a big heart and lots of sass, just the way we like them. Hanging with these three for the week is fun. Exhausting, but fun. I was not meant to be the mother of multiple children I don't think. Not without a little speed, anyway. But they are beautiful, sweet, lovely little things and I wouldn't trade one moment with them. Children (somewhat forcefully) remind you to simplify the things in your life...To stop along your walk to examine the slinky bug or admire the bright pink flowers. I'm grateful for that lesson right now.
I haven't been brave enough to venture out doors with my big camera yet. So much sand and water and flailing children just waiting to cost me (or my insurance company) thousands of dollars. I'll get there, but for now, here are some of the indoor activities of the Soell/Scholl cousins.