Both the holidays and getting married have made me think more about
traditions. Do I have any? Should I make some up? Is it possible to
keep them going? If I started some would I just be setting myself up
for the inevitable disappointment and heartbreak of breaking them? Fear
of disappointment aside, one must have inspiration to start a new
tradition. You can't just pull them out of nowhere--if you do, they
lack meaning. I've been spending some time scanning my childhood for
some tradition inspiration. So far, my childhood has yielded less than
inspiring material. Here's what I have to work with so far:
JESUS HATES EASY
of my earliest memories of Christmas is the year my mom and I spent all
day making a cake for Jesus' birthday to be baked in my Easy Bake
oven. Evidently Easy Bake ovens have special mixes but she either
didn't know that or didn't want to spend then money. I waited, and
waited, and waited, and waited for that cake to be done. Four and a
half hours later it was still mostly batter and by then it was time to
leave for my grandparents' house. Completely traumatized over the fact
that Jesus would not be receiving his birthday cake from me, I cried
all the way there (2 hour drive) which of course made my little sister
cry which made my parents crazy and we both got in trouble...not good,
folks. Besides, I often wonder if Jesus even likes cake. I bet he
thinks it is too sugary.
PRAISE THE LORD!
you were the child of evangelicals in the 80's and lived east of the
Mississippi, at least once you probably made a pilgrimage to the ever
decadent kingdom of Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker named PTL. PTL (Praise
The Lord) was a Christian theme park complete with water slides, roller
coasters, and a booth giving away t-shirts to zealous youth who could
rap all 66 books of the bible in order (I won 2). My family didn't go
just once, we went every single year from the time it opened until
Jessica Hahn ruined everything.
grandfather would give every grandchild $50 of spending money for the
week, which back then I was sure was practically a million dollars.
My favorite purchase was the ever elusive Tammy Faye doll whom, housing
a plastic record player in her back, would sing, "When I'm feeling
sad...Jesus makes me glad...then OOPS! there comes a smile..."
Thinking about that doll now really creeps me out.
then we found out that Jim Bakker was skimming a little too much off
the top of the offering plate, which who could blame him, he
was pretty sure God wanted him to be filthy rich. Evidently, God wanted him to have an air-conditioned dog house, matching
his/her Rolls Royces, and $100 worth of cinnamon buns to leave
around the house just to give it that homey fresh baked smell.
Jim has repented, though, so we forgive him.
there you go. After weeks of thinking I can only think of two. TWO.
And notice the theme? That's not much to work with. Do any of you
have any non-scary non-hyper-crazy-Christian traditions? To clarify,
Christian is fine, just not hyper-crazy-Christian. The distinction is