"Maybe the most sacred function of memory is just that: to render the distinction between past, present, and future ultimately meaningless; to enable us at some level of our being to inhabit that same eternity which it is said that God himself inhabits." Frederick Buechner
[1992 (my birthday)] I'm not sure what deafening noise is contributing to this expression, but apparently my mother was not phased by it.
I miss her.
[03/2003] About 12:30AM EST, this little road-trip crew stopped at a gas station for a fuel-up on the way home from our friends Dan and Nicci's wedding. As we were waiting in line to purchase our cheetos, combos, gatorade, and mountain dew (for the driver), the only outsider in the line asked us if we were a band. Zachariah (three from the right) said it was one of the greatest compliments he'd ever received . I'm inclined to agree.
So yesterday I registered for a spring quarter psychology class at OSU...I officially am moving toward an actual academic goal. The possibility of grad school seems so far away right now for some reason, so it feels good to actually be doing something that seems to legitimize my aspiration (don't ask, I think I might be crazy). I am also twenty-six today which for some reason has been a traumatic experience already and I'm only one hour and forty-nine minutes into my birthday. I realized the other day, when I was trying to figure out why an arbitrary age would make me feel like such a loser, that for whatever reason I don't feel like I have accomplished anything up to this point...or to put it more concisely, I've failed to live up to whatever expectation I had for myself. I think as I've gotten older I see the world more realistically and have come to realize that the goals I have set for myself take a lot more time to accomplish than I originally anticipated. However, by nature I am a stubborn human being and I want to force myself to make it happen no matter what it takes. The process of concession that inevitably follows is a painful one...I've gone through this cycle a couple of times up to this point. It's weird. Feels like I'm copping out or something. Whatever. It's really no big deal. I'm just being stupid.
On a different note, the social justice discussion group that I'm in has started gearing up for another discussion after a few-month hiatus, which is great. I started the reading the other day and I felt like it kick-started my brain again which feels good. Things have been so crazy around here I feel like the only reading I ever get to do is work-related, internet junk, or studying for a teaching for church (you know your life is pathetic when you can't afford the leisure of picking what you want to read from the Bible). I'll be interested to see how our "discussion" goes this time as it will be online for the first time instead of in person (this being due to the brains of the operation keeping a very exotic international address these days).
Well, I should get some sleep so I can wake up ready to face the day as a twenty-six year old...;)